top of page

How to address feelings of loneliness when dating

Updated: Jul 19, 2023

When you feel alone, are you more likely to use dating apps or go on dates? Is it common for you to create a dating profile when your social media friends post their engagement pictures or date nights? When you compare your life to others, do you feel desperate to go on dates? If so, this article can help. Dating only when you're lonely won't help you fill the void.

Feelings of loneliness are common among many people. The process of managing loneliness is not easy. If we feel alone, we are more inclined to go on dates for the sake of killing time, but as we go on dates fueled by loneliness, we will realize that despite spending time with others, they cannot fill that void. In order to change this behavior, you need to acknowledge that you are doing it, why you are doing it, and why you need to stop.

depression and dating


This is something to ask yourself. Are you struggling with depression, anxiety, abandonment issues, or feeling like an outcast? When we feel empty we tend to want another person to fill that void. No matter how many dates you have beenon if you rely on another person to fill a void and make you whole and complete, chances are they won't be able to do that. There is something exciting about dating someone new, but your insecurity about being alone will also likely be noticed. When you are lonely, these three things can help:

  1. Write down what you are most afraid of when it comes to relationships. Are you afraid of "being single forever," "never getting married" "getting too old that nobody will want me," "never being able to have kids," etc. Write out what you are afraid of and ask yourself can this new person make this go away? Also, are you fixated on these fears that this potential new partner will pick up on them?

  2. Learn to fill up your time. When people say "get a hobby," really get a hobby. Do you have interests that you have been wanting to pursue or things you have not done in a while? In those moments when you get tempted to create a dating app only to keep sending meaningless messages focus on what you can fill your time with. Maybe that's grabbing coffee, going for a run, hike, call a friend to get lunch, go take a pottery class, go to a sports game, or a comedy show. The point is stat filling that time that you feel empty with things that bring you enjoy. Learn to enjoy your own company.

  3. Focus on you. I know we have heard this statement many times and that's because it's true. What have you been putting off for a while that you could be working on? Do you have a business idea? A new place you have been wanting to travel but not have gone? A home project you have been putting off? Dance lessons you have been wanting to take but have not? The point is focus on taking care of you. When you take care of yourself a potential new partner doesn't feel like they are having to take on your emotional baggage because you are relying on them to fill a void.

In addition to these three steps you can see a therapist. A therapist in CA will help you figure out why you crave companionship during loneliness. A licensed therapist will support you in being content with your own company and learn to accept who you are. When we love who we are the need for a romantic partner changes. When you are content with who you are and actually love yourself you begin to want a romantic partner versus functioning with the mentality that you need them.

mental health self care
take care of your mental health

Address your mental health struggles with a licensed therapist. The goal is not to be a better romantic partner, but to be a better person for yourself. Follow these three tips when you feel tempted to go on a date out of boredom or loneliness.You will adhere to higher standards and boundaries when you begin to enjoy your own company. Have you ever settled for bad company because it was better than no company? This is why reflecting and taking a step back before impulsively going on a date is important. Start working on changing your patterned behavior by talking to a therapist.

Focus on taking care of you so that eventually you can find a person to do life with instead of a person to kill time with.


Healing Therapy Services is a private therapy practice in Campbell, CA helping couples and adults improve their relationships and outlook on life.

8 views0 comments


bottom of page