Signs You Dated A Narcissist

You thought you’d finally met someone different. They swept you off your feet, made you feel like you were the most important person in the world, and painted a picture of a perfect future together. But somewhere along the line, things started to feel… off.

You may have questioned your worth, blamed yourself for their withdrawal, or felt like you were always walking on eggshells. If you’re reading this, you may already be wondering: Was I dating a narcissist?

What Is Narcissistic Behavior in Relationships?

Not every difficult partner is a narcissist. But true narcissistic relationships follow a pattern—one that’s designed to hook you emotionally and leave you doubting your reality. Let’s break down the stages of narcissistic abuse to help you identify the red flags.

1. Idealization

In the beginning, the narcissist places you on a pedestal. They seem fascinated by everything you say and do. You feel seen, wanted, and special—maybe even like you’ve finally found “the one.” This intense admiration is intoxicating… and designed to secure your emotional investment.

2. Love Bombing

The narcissist moves quickly. They may:

• Promise a future together within weeks

• Shower you with gifts or compliments

• Over-communicate at the start

• Badmouth all their exes while insisting you’re different

The promises feel grand, but they rarely materialize. The whirlwind of attention can feel like love—but it’s often manipulation in disguise.

3. Gaslighting

As time goes on, the narcissist begins to twist the truth. They might say things like:

• “You’re too sensitive.”

• “That never happened.”

• “You’re remembering it wrong.”

This psychological abuse erodes your trust in yourself. You may feel like you need to record conversations or second-guess your own feelings just to keep your footing.

4. Devaluation

The compliments stop. The criticism begins. Subtle digs about your appearance, your intelligence, your choices. They may mock or belittle you under the guise of “joking.” Their goal? To make you feel small so they can stay in control.

5. Deflection & Blame

When you try to address problems, they deflect:

• “You’re always overreacting.”

• “You’re the real problem.”

• “I wouldn’t act like this if you didn’t push me.”

They never take accountability. Instead, they shift the blame back to you, making you feel guilty for setting boundaries or expressing hurt.

6. Dismissiveness

Your emotions are treated as inconvenient or irrational. Whether you’re sad, excited, or proud of something—your feelings are dismissed. You may notice they:

• Shrug off your accomplishments

• Ignore your emotional pain

• Offer no support when you’re struggling

This lack of empathy is one of the hallmarks of narcissistic behavior.

7. Emotional Instability

The narcissist’s moods are unpredictable. They can shift from adoration to rage in seconds. You may feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, never knowing what will set them off. Sometimes, this instability escalates to threats or physical aggression.

8. The Discard Phase

When they’re done—or when you begin to assert boundaries—the narcissist may abruptly leave the relationship. No warning, no closure. Just emotional abandonment. You’re left reeling, confused, and often still craving their approval.

How Narcissists Make You Feel Like You're the Problem

One of the most painful aspects of dating a narcissist is how they slowly convince you it’s all your fault. You start to believe:

• “Maybe I am too needy.”

• “I should’ve just tried harder.”

• “Why can’t I let this go?”

  
  

But the truth is: you’re not the problem— they are.

Narcissists lie to you and lie about you. They manipulate narratives to protect their ego. They lack the empathy to acknowledge the pain they cause. No matter how much you explain that you’re hurt, they won’t change… because they don’t see your feelings as valid.

Emotional Impact of Dating a Narcissist

Survivors of narcissistic abuse often struggle with:

• Low self-esteem

• Confusion and self-doubt

• Attachment trauma

• Fear of abandonment

• Difficulty trusting others

• Attraction to emotionally unavailable partners

It’s not just heartbreak. It’s emotional damage that can follow you into your next relationships unless it’s addressed and healed.

How Therapy Helps You Recover From Narcissistic Abuse

Healing doesn’t happen overnight—but with the right support, it’s absolutely possible.

At Healing Therapy Services in Campbell and San Jose, we create a safe, non-judgmental space for survivors to rebuild their sense of self and rewrite their relationship patterns.

Here’s how therapy can help:

1. Rebuild Self-Worth

We help you reconnect with the parts of you that were ignored, minimized, or criticized. You’ll begin to trust your own perceptions again and stop seeking validation from emotionally unavailable people.

2. Learn to Spot Red Flags Early

Therapy gives you the tools to recognize:

• Love bombing vs. genuine interest

• Inconsistent communication

• Boundary-pushing behaviors

• Passive aggression and blame-shifting

So you can walk away from unsafe dynamics before getting attached.

3. Set Boundaries Without Guilt

Many survivors over-function in relationships—taking responsibility for others’ emotions and minimizing their own needs. Therapy teaches you how to say no, prioritize yourself, and stay grounded in your truth.

4. Heal Trauma Bonds

Those strong emotional ties that pull you back to the narcissist? That’s a trauma bond. In therapy, we help you unravel that bond and replace it with a deeper connection to yourself.

5. Understand Your Attachment Style

Often, narcissistic relationships trigger old wounds—especially if you had caregivers who were critical, absent, or unpredictable. Therapy helps you explore those roots and break the pattern of chasing emotionally unavailable partners.

6. Stop Settling for Breadcrumbs

You deserve mutual love, not occasional attention. Through therapy, you’ll learn to:

• Notice what secure love looks like

• Choose partners who are consistent and kind

• Walk away from relationships that drain your energy

Therapy in Campbell, CA for People Who Dated a Narcissist

At Healing Therapy Services, our licensed therapists specialize in narcissistic abuse recovery. Whether you're still in the relationship or trying to rebuild your life after it ended, we’re here to support you every step of the way.

Our therapy services are available:

• In-person in Campbell, CA

• Online throughout California, including San Jose, Los Gatos, Santa Clara, Palo Alto, and beyond

  
  

At Healing Therapy Services in Campbell and San Jose, CA, we specialize in helping clients break the cycle of toxic relationships—especially with narcissistic partners. This blog explores how narcissists behave in relationships, signs you may have dated one, and how therapy can help you reclaim your self-worth and choose healthier connections.