Sometimes making time for sex is hard.
You might be reading this because sex is not happening in your relationship or not happening enough. Maybe it’s the busy schedules, the kids, traveling for work, or frequent arguing that’s keeping you and your significant other from engaging in sexual activities. Whatever the reason, you notice that you want this to change.
Here are five steps to improve your sexual connection:
Communicate. We cannot emphasize enough how important communication is in partnership. If you are feeling stressed that you’re not having enough or any sex with your partner, communicate. If you want to experiment withnew positions or “spicing things up” in the bedroom — communicate. If you’re tired of always having to be on top or only having sex when it’s time to make a baby, communicate. Instead of not saying anything and showing your frustrations by giving the silent treatment or withholding sex, let your partner know how you feel. Everything comes down to communication.
Scheduling time. Adults are busy. It’s hard working 40 hours a week and then once you’re done working there are many more things to do. It’s like you are always doing something and by the time you actually make time to have sex with your partner you are exhausted Another approach is to schedule days and times that work for both of you. Some people think it’s weird to schedule time for sex but it’s better than not having it at all. It is important to not see a schedule as a chore but as something you look forward to. Also being flexible to have sex outside of scheduled times.
Be vulnerable. You have seen each other’s nipples and many other parts. The one person you should feel safe to be vulnerable with is the person who has seen everything. Being vulnerable is scary but it creates a bond. Once you have recognized that your partner is safe you can open up. Let them know how you feel after sex. Don’t be afraid to open up.
Address your areas of improvement. You have heard the saying you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else and it’s true. In order to feel free and connected during sex you have to feel connected to yourself. If you’re quick to put your clothes back on right after sex or struggle with letting your partner see you as you are then maybe not having sex or less of it has to do with how you actually feel about yourself. If you are struggling with depression, work stress, sexual trauma, and anxiety you might notice there are days that you don’t want to be touched or you are having an internal battle with your mind that no matter how much you want to get closer to your partner sex is not easy to engage with.
Get professional help. Improve intimacy in your relationship by speaking to a professional. Individual therapy is an option if you need the space to talk about your past trauma or depression that makes it challenging to be physically intimate. Couples therapy and marriage counseling are options if you and your partner are ready to address your sexual life collaboratively. A couples therapist can help address barriers to intimacy (e.g. infidelity, busy schedules, children, work, etc.) and help you both make positive changes.
Physical affection is a love language. If you want to improve the sex in your relationship,
you should contact a licensed therapist. Most important thing to remember is that you are not alone. Many couples struggle with lack of intimacy but it’s not too late to improve it.
Healing Therapy Services is a private therapy practice in Campbell, CA helping couples and adults improve their relationships and outlook on life.