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How to Pick a Life Partner

Creating a strong relationship isn't as straightforward as it may seem in romance movies. Although dating can be a beautiful experience, it also comes with its thorns. In choosing a partner, you want to make sure they are a good match for you. In spite of the fact that we can't promise you a perfect match from the movies, we can suggest some features you should look for in a partner to build a solid relationship.


how to pick a life partner

Traits to Look for when picking a Life Partner

  1. They share similar values as you. You might have heard the saying "opposites attract," now we aren't saying that isn't true but you should have similirities in your values. Do they share the same faith as you (if that's important to you)? Are political beliefs important to you? Is it a value of yours to be family oriented? Do they want children like you do, if you desire to be a parent? What is the value they place on having a career that they are passionate about?Are you passionate about education and looking for someone that values education? It is not necessary that you share every same value, but some of them should be aligned with each other.

  2. They have a strong foundation. This basically means they have their s*it together. They have a steady career, stable housing, are emotionally available, take care of their physical health, and are financially stable. Now financially stable doesn't mean they are rolling in money but they are in a secure place that their bills are not being sent to collections. Bottom line: They aren't rolling into credit card debt. Someone who is emotionally available can handle difficult conversations. Basically this is someone who would have a more secure attachment style. To learn more about the four attachment styles click here. Stable housing means they aren't couch-hopping. People do endure hard times and it doesn't mean you need to be with a person who owns a home in Bel-Air but an ideal partner would have some form of stable housing. This could be a simple and small condo but something they can maintain. A person who is stable also wants to be in a relationship that is stable.

  3. They know how to communicate. If you ask many people that came from failed relationships what went wrong chances are they will say; "poor communication." When you are someone that knows how to communicate they can express to you their thoughts and feelings in a calm manner and listen to yours. A successful communicator isn't someone who is going to send you a text message or call you every minute but they will want to be in communication with you. Healthy communication also means healthy breaks. Being able to express yourself and your feelings without fear of judgment is the key to a successful relationship.

  4. They are empathic. A person's empathy is the ability to place themselves in another's shoes, to see their worldview from a different perspective. Be with someone who can empathize with your situation. In general, people who lack empathy tend to be short and easily angered or judgmental. Being paired with a person who lacks empathy is a recipe for disaster.

  5. They accept you as you are. Why be with anyone who wants to change you? You need to be with a partner that embraces you as you are, flaws and all. The right person sees your strengths and weaknesses, but chooses you. Now this doesn't mean we mistreat our partners and they have to tolerate us. The right partner can still call you out when you do something they don't like but they usually do it with care. This also applies to accepting your partner as they are.

  6. They are open to feedback. Communication is the key to partnership. You will have moments that you will need tocommunicate with your partner what you don't like and the right partner will be receptive to your perspective without threatening to end the relationship or retaliating. Couples grow together when they are open to listening to each other and making small adjustments as needed.

  7. They show you affection. Affection can be shown through verbal compliments, actions, and physical touch. With the right person you will feel their affection and it will be evident that they care about you. It should not appear like a mission to earn their care. If you are left feeling deprived of affection and care this probably isn't the right partner for you.

  8. They are concerned about your well-being. You might think this is an obvious one not to miss, but many people settle for partners that don't care about their well-being. The right partner will care about your feelings, mental health, and want you to thrive in multiple areas of your life. They will cheer you on and support you through challenging times because they are concerned about your well-being.

These are some of the eight qualities to look for in a potential partner. Picking a life partner isn't easy despite these tips. Don't settle for people who make you feel hard to love. No relationship is without flaws, but it should not be that hard to maintain. Trust your intuition when you sense red flags. Relationships require compromise but you should not compromise your mental health because you are afraid of being alone or in search of someone to approve of you. When we get paired with the wrong person we will feel stressed, sad, angry, and unworthy. These emotions can negatively impact our mental health. It is imperative to be aware of these signs and not ignore red flags. We should assess our situation and make a decision that is appropriate for our mental health. Your mental health is your priority and it's critical to choose a partner that treats you well.


Seeking dating help from a therapist

If you want additional support for dating, you should talk to a licensed therapist that is experienced in helping people with dating. Therapists help individuals address past experiences that contribute to current issues in partnership. Licensed counselors can advise on how to manage emotions, create healthy boundaries, and build healthy relationships. Therapists can also provide a safe space to process negative thoughts or feelings. The journey of dating can be frightening, but when you find the right person, it will all be worth it.

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